The Thenardier Effect A.K.A Why I don't worry about "The dress"

I'm sure many of you have seen the photo that is going viral right now.  You know the one of "The Dress"?

Not that it matters but it looks white and gold to me.

In case you live under a social media rock the dress in the photo either appears Blue and black or Gold and White to different people (there is some sort of scientific optical illusion thing that explains it but I don't care enough to try and understand it).  This thing went viral so fast and now seems to be everywhere.

Of course it only took a little while for other people to start freaking out about how stupid and vapid this thing is.  "Why does stuff like this go viral when children are starving in Africa (insert ISIS is killing people, Ebola still rages, #bringbackourgirls, water shortage in California, or any other current human tragedy)".  And you know they have a point.  There are so many tragedy's going on around the world that would grab our attention more than a weird photo of a dress. 

Ukraine’s Maidan Protests Anniversary Met With Bombs, Fresh Fighting

Isis destroys antiquities

Ebola

#bringbackourgirls

New suspect arrested in Copenhagen shootings

9 dead after reported shootings in Missouri

Baby's body found in Northern California, after mother turns up alone

Jihadi John

Well you get the picture...

But you see I'm not worried about "The Dress".  Let me tell you a story so you understand why.  

Many of you have seen Les Miserables, the musical with Hugh Jackman.  Some of you may have seen the stage version.  A few of you may even have read the book (extra stars on your homework if you have).  Today I'm not going to talk about Jean Valjean, Fantine, or Éponine.    Today I'm going to talk about The Thenardiers.  

It's kind of there in the movie, but when you are watching the play things can get kind of depressing.  Okay more than kind of.  Like "The world is terrible and I'm going to throw myself off the balcony so I don't have to live here any more" depressing.  But you know every time you start getting up and leaning over to dive, out come the Thenardiers.  

The Thenardiers

Now they are pure evil, all the other characters have some saving grace but not these two.  Yet some how every time they come on stage you find yourself laughing and slowing sinking back into your chair, away from the ledge.  Then back into the story we go.  The show does not need the song "Master of the House" to get the point across that these people are crooks, it could have been done in a much more serious, introspective "here is what poverty can do to people" way.  But for some reason the humor, no matter how dark and crude, is there.  Why? 

Because we need them there!

The world is a scary and hard place to live in.  We spend most of our days with that being thrown in our face.  So yes, we click on and share and send a stupid dress off into the viral hall of fame.  

Because that dress is the Thenardiers of the internet.  

Just when you can't handle another piece of bad news, rejection, tragedy, or ignorant stupidity something like "the dress" comes along.  And we sit back down at our computers and step away from the balcony.  

So go ahead, share "the dress" or the laughing baby or whatever comes next.  Just make sure that when the Fantine's show up in your feed or on your door step you share and help them too.

Update a.k.a Frequently asked Questions and Where we go from here

It's been about three months since I opened up about my struggle with Postpartum Depression.  I have been so blessed by all the love and support that has been poured onto me and my family.  It's been amazing to hear the stories of other families who are going through similar experiences as we are.  There is something about knowing we are not alone that really had made this so much easier.  Now that some time has gone by I thought I would address some of the most common questions I've been asked since opening up, some of the less than helpful comments (and how to reword them so they are not), and some things I've learned/changed to make life easier.

FAQs:

-Did you have PPD with DJ?
        Nope, there is a history of depression in my family and with every thing that happened with DJs birth I was expecting to experience at least a case of baby blues but I never did.  Now when DJ was sick and I was alone in the hospital the night he was born I prayed "Heavenly Father, my baby is sick.  Please make him get better quickly.  But if You can't do that please help me to heal quickly so I can take care of him."  I recovered very quickly and now that I have experienced PPD with Rachel I am realizing even more how much that prayer was answered.  God truly does love his children.



-How did you know you had PPD?
       Honestly it took a long time to admit it, but coming inches away from killing myself was a real wake up call.  I knew I was sad, I knew my patience with my children was not what it should be, and I knew I wanted it to be, but admitting that  it was bad enough to actually be called a problem was not something I wanted to do.  Talking to my loved ones about what I was feeling really helped get me to where I could seek professional help.  Realizing that I couldn't remember the last time I had gone a whole day without bursting into tears was also a pretty big sign.

-Why did it take so long to catch?  Didn't your doctor ask you how you were feeling at your post-delivery check up?
       PPD doesn't have to just happen right after birth.  At my 6 weeks post delivery check up things were going really well.  My mom was still in town and taking care of everything,  David was just finishing up his rotation and going to be home the rest of the summer, and I hadn't even gone back to church yet.  Sure looking back I wasn't really as happy as I normally am, but I had just had a baby, of course I wasn't back to normal yet.  Real life had not hit.  I didn't start to fall apart till after everyone left and we had settled into our new life.  Part of was probably that I kept telling myself "Rachel is 3 (4, 5, ext) months old now.  I should have this figured out!  Why am I still struggling.  My doctor had me fill out the form and I filled it out honestly, I'm not saying I tried to cover stuff up, but I may have cut myself a little too much slack.  "You just had a baby, of course you cry a lot.  No need to worry the dr with it.  And feeling anxious, your just worried about when mom goes home, you'll be fine."  I'm not saying to panic if you are feeling this way after having a baby, chances are you will be okay.  I do wish that I had been honest with myself and kind to myself about how I was feeling.  I don't know if we would have caught it any sooner, but if we had it would have saved a lot of heartache.

-How did you go about getting help?
     I called my OBGYN.  I said "I want to see Dr. Manning as soon as possible."  When the nurse asked me what it was about I told her I thought I had PPD.  Next thing I knew I had a Nurse Practitioner calling me every 6 hours and an appointment scheduled within 48 hours (my office has a policy that any one who calls about PPD must come into the office within 48 hours for an appointment).  My main Dr was unavailable so I worked with the Dr who had assisted during my pregnancy and delivery.  Normally I prefer male Drs (that is a whole other post I'm not even going to touch here) but I think that having another woman, another mother, to talk to and work with has been really amazing.  I'm so grateful for a Dr's office that takes PPD so seriously!  I've since heard stories about women being told that their Dr's can't/wont help.  My advice, and I know it's hard, is to raise cane until they get you in.  And if once you are in they wont help you raise cane until they refer you to someone who can.  If you are looking for and OBGYN ask around and see what the policies are for dealing with PPD, it's not one of those things you want to have to worry about getting help with.

This is a woman with no idea the way she feels isn't normal and wont go away

- What sort of medication did they put you on? (Yes this question actually gets asked)
      Just a basic low dose anti-depressant.  There is no specially formulated med for PPD.  My dose is low, some may be high.  Remember this is a sickness.  If you had a heart attack  you would take your heart meds and cut down on the fried food.

- I think I have PPD but I'm afraid I will have to stop breastfeeding if I get put on meds, is this true?
     NO!  I was still breastfeeding when I started this journey and made sure the Dr. knew that.  There are meds that do not pass through the breast milk.  They can decrease your milk supply though so make sure you talk to your Dr. about ways to prevent that.

There is breastmilk but no anti-depressants in that bottle

-I think my wife is struggling, how do I help her?
     I feel like David should write this but that's not really his thing so I will do what I can.  First of all do everything you can not to be angry with her.  I know it can be frustrating for her to be sad no matter what you do to help and that nothing around the house ever seems to get done, but please do what you can not to be angry.  Support her when she decides to go to the Dr, support her even more when she comes home from the Dr. feeling broken because she is "broken", support her on the days the meds are not enough and once again your wife disappears into this puddle of mush wearing her clothes.  Do the dishes, play with the babies, tell her you love her.  Encourage her to get help and to talk to you about how she is feeling.  Make sure she knows just how much you need her, how much the kids need her, and how no one could do it better.  And if you have to call the Dr's and set up her appointment for her or threaten to call the cops if you are scared for her.  She may hate you for a while but you will all be grateful in the end.  Just remember she is sick, she is not fragile or less of herself.  She is sick.  Your powerful, talented, caring wife is still in there, she just needs to get better.
-I think my friend/family member is struggling, how do I help her?
    Be a person she can talk to.  Let her know you notice she is feeling down.  Offer to drive her to an appointment or watch her kids.  Text her and let her know you are thinking of her.  And again if you feel that she is a risk to herself or her children, tell her husband/significant other/mother of your concern.  Send her love.  Let her know she is amazing.  But don't be hurt if she just doesn't have the energy to go out and do everything like normal.  Maybe just invite her out to dinner, instead of your normal dinner, shopping spree, and movie.  When offering to help make sure you are specific.  I'm guilty of the ever well meaning but useless "Call me if you need anything" but really what you need to say is "I'm bringing dinner, what night works?"  You know your friendship so do what is appropriate there but don't let her isolate herself anymore than new mothers have to.

Corral the cats kids as best you can for her too.

- Besides medication what have you done to get better?
     Part of my treatment has been meeting with a therapist. It's been amazing and she has helped me learn a lot about myself and the way I process things.  I know that therapy is not always an option but do what you can to make it possible.  Having a stranger with no investment in your life to talk to makes it a lot easier to figure out what is really going on.  And sometimes they can point out things no one else is willing to say or that they take for granted as a part of you.  And you are able to say things that you couldn't say to someone you cared about because you don't want to hurt them or cause any drama.

- Did you learn anything you feel comfortable sharing from you therapist?
    I learned so many things about myself, but that's not really what this question is asking.  I think the biggest wake up call for me was in our first meeting when she had me list off all the major events in my life during the last 5 years.  Here it is:

• got engaged
• got married
• graduated college
• had a baby
• 2 major moves, one across country
• had another baby

Then my therapist shared something interesting.  She said that when she ranks life events according to the emotional stress (good or bad) getting married is put at the same level as having your house burn down.  Having a baby is the same as loosing a parent.  Not that having a baby or getting married are bad things, just that all the changes, excitement, and joy causes as much emotional nonsense to happen in your brain as bad things.  So sometimes having lots of good changes happen can cause as much mental and emotional stress as lots of bad things.  She said "honestly I don't know why you weren't in my office a year ago, the move should have made you snap."  Now I am not saying that having lots of changes like that happen is a bad thing.  Lots of people go through these events just as quickly all the time, I think the reason this mattered so much to me was that I was feeling guilty because in so many ways I am so blessed, I should be happy.  My brain had no reason to decide that life was hard.  Learning that I had actually put it through the joy-ringer helped make what was happening to me make sense.  

The other thing we talked about was simplifying life as much as possible to make getting better easier.  So many of us stretch ourselves thin taking care of children, husbands, employers, clients, and church responsibilities.  Sometimes we just need to step back and simplify so that we can get better.

- I don't think I can simplify my life, everything I do, I have to do.  How did you simplify?
   Trust me, I know.  That is exactly what I said when my therapist told me to simplify.  She had me divide my life into the main aspects.  Mine went into three.  Family, work, and church.  "But I can't get ride of any of those things" I said.  "Of course not, but where can you cut back.  Where can you cut corners?"  So we went through and thought about it.  Now this will be different for everyone but here are some of the things I have done,

• paper plates, plastic utensils, paper towels
• I know, I know, "Leslie what about the cost?" "Leslie what about the environment?"   Well right now I don't have a dishwasher, and right now that pile of dishes constantly in the sink and never ending felt like a sword through my heart.  Every time I felt like I was doing well, being a good mom, there was that pile of dishes destroying my soul and sucking out my joy.  So for the time being, we are on paper and plastic.  
• saying no to more hours/projects
• I know that for many this is difficult, extra hours means extra money.  But for me and my situation I needed to start saying no.  I was blessed to have the full support of my husband as I began turning down projects and offers for extra time here and there.  I still help cover for co-workers, and when there is a crisis I help out.  But if hours are just offered to me, I turn them down.  That was a hard thing for me to do because I want to be a good employee.  But I can't be a good employee if I'm not healthy, so right now I'm slowing down and getting better
• turning off the Martha Stewart track in my head
• Homemade gifts, fancy meals for others who are sick, elaborate hand outs for my Primary kids.  All of these things are on hold right now.  If I have a project that sounds like fun to me I do it.  But I now have permission to give a box of diapers instead of making a car-seat cover.  Or take KFC instead of making a 4 course fancy meal for a family that just had a baby.  Or just give my kids a hug at the end of sharing time instead of staying up all night trying to figure out how to print a quote on 25 post-its.  Again I felt guilty, these are all things that I like doing but that had begun to take an emotional toll because I felt like I had to do them.  Now I don't feel that way and I only do it if I feel up to it and can get enough sleep.

This I wanted to do... but I toned it down so it wouldn't make me too crazy

 What are some of the less than helpful things that have been said?

    I have been lucky.  No one has been unkind since I have opened up about this. However here are some things you might be tempted to say, and how to say the same thing better

•       Why did you let the Dr put you on meds?  All they do is medicate!  Now you will never be able to get off!
• Actually I don't have a nice way to rephrase this one.  I know it is said with love but it is not helpful.
• You should try Vitamin D, Orange Oil, and acupuncture.  I'm sure it's just a light deficiency or something.  
• A better way to go about this might be.  When I feel down during the winter I use vitamin D and orange oil, have you tried it? Chances are they have tried everything but if they haven't you are offering it to them in a way that does not dismiss their diagnosis, or make them feel pushed in any way.

So there it is.  The FAQs of my life with PPD.  If there is anything else you are curious about let me know and I will do my best to answer.  Thank you again for all your love and support as we navigate the new normal of our lives and as I work towards recovery.  

Confessions of an extreme Extrovert

It's been going on for a while but I keep seeing these posts on Facebook; "35 things only introverts understand", "how to love your introvert", "how introverted are you?".  Every time I see these I sigh and keep scrolling.  You see I'm an extreme extrovert!

No really.

If you know me you know it's true, if you don't trust those who do.  I'm as extroverted as you can get.

So here are some things I feel like people should know.  Not because "poor me I'm and extrovert and introvert is cool" (okay maybe a little bit because of that, I am an extrovert after all), but because I want all those who are introverts or more mild versions of extrovert to understand a few things.

1.  I spend the entire drive to a social event telling myself that this time will be different.  This time I will keep my mouth shut more than half of a conversation.  This time I will not be the loudest person in the room.  This time I wont be the last person to leave.  And without fail I spend the entire ride home cursing myself for failing entirely.  We do try to be socially acceptable, I promise.  Which leads into #2.

2.  I am fully aware of how obnoxious I am.  Trust me, I know why I wasn't well liked in high school.  I don't like it any more than you do.  I also spend most of my life trying to keep myself quiet enough to be socially acceptable, I fail most of the time, but I do try.

I knew there was a reason I liked these books

3.  I wish that I could enjoy sitting quietly with no one to talk to.  It is exhausting be need constant human contact.  Literally constant.  If I go more than 2 or 3 hours with out some sort of human contact I start to go crazy.  (even now I've only been up about 3 hours after my husband went to bed and I'm starting to look at my phone to try and figure out who might be up at this time of night for me to talk to.... sad right?)

It's 2 am EST... who is awake at 11 pm on the west coast?

4.  I really enjoy talking to random people at the check out lane.  I love it!  It makes me so happy.  Unfortunately most people find it obnoxious so I once again do everything I can to keep my mouth shut.  But goodness gracious, when you have two full carts full of beer it's really hard not to say something about wanting to come party at your house. ;)

In my head "Shut up Leslie!" out of my mouth "Wow, where did you get that shirt, I had a shirt that color in 6th grade but my brother spilled black ink on it.... " 

5. I say exactly what I think way to often because I care way too much about everything.  As an extrovert words matter to me.  I learn by speaking and hearing, but mostly speaking (actually when I'm alone I read out loud).  So when I hear something I disagree with I feel the need to respond to it.  But, because I learn so much from speaking a lot of times my ideas don't really form until they are coming out of my mouth.  (Yes I'm that annoying girl in class who restates half of what the teacher says... I'm really just trying to learn cause I don't really understand it until it comes out of my own mouth.)   This wonderful combination of loving to speak, needing to speak, and learning while I speak leads to perpetually trying to shove my foot in my mouth.  I don't mean to say hurtful things, and the minute I realize what I've said I feel terrible.  My grandpa used to say "If you have something mean to say keep your mouth shut and some other idiot will say it for you." Consider me your resident idiot.  If I have offended or hurt you I'm sorry.  I work on it every day of my life.

This Meme is me... and I'm trying really hard to be better.

6.  Closely associated with number 5, I am unable to process my life with out other people to talk it through.  Which means my life tends to be on constant display for everyone.  I share, and over share.  When things are hard or I am scared no matter how stoic I try to be eventually it spills out, usually on some poor co-worker or random Facebook friend.  I've gotten better (married life makes you if you actually care about your vows).  Once again I know.

So there you go.  Six things about being an extreme extrovert that you should know, but I guess they all boil down to one.  We are aware and we try.  So go out and hug your extrovert today :)

Cards on the Table

***Before I start this post I want to make a few things clear, I'm not sharing this for sympathy or attention.  I'm sharing this because it was others sharing their experiences that gave me the push I needed to get help and I hope that by sharing my story I can help someone else.  And most importantly I feel that by keeping quiet about my struggles I would be feeding into the problem our society faces with this issue.***

I am fighting Postpartum Depression.

Wow, it's amazing how hard that is to admit.  I mean if I had a broken arm, the flu, cancer, or Ebola it would be easier to put out there for the world.  Which is sad, and is the reason that I feel like I need to share this part of my personal life.  Because it needs to be something that we remove the stigma from.  So here I am, admitting it.

I never felt a desire to hurt my children, I know that is commonly associated with PPD but for me that was not the case.  For me I became 100% convinced that my family would be better off if I wasn't there.  That I was such a complete and utter failure as a wife and mother that there was no way for be to improve.  I was sure that if I was out of the picture David could find a woman who would be a better wife to him and mother to my kids than I was, and even if he didn't, the damage from not having a mom at all would be less than if I was to stick around.  It got so bad that one night I found myself standing in the bathroom with the entire medicine cabinet out on the sink.  Thankfully David walked in and that was enough to bring me back from the edge, but it was incredibly close.

I tried to be tough.  I tried to shake it off, put my shoulders back and muscle through it.  I prayed and read my scriptures.  I put on a happy face whenever people were around and I never admitted out side of my home just how overwhelmed I was.  I did everything I could to get better and I just kept getting worse.  I didn't want to get help because I was convinced if I could just "adjust my attitude" that everything would be all right.

After the bathroom incident David wanted me to go to the Dr but I still wasn't ready.  Then a friend of mine posted about her struggle on Facebook and it was like I was reading my own story, I reached out to her and got advice.  Finally, at a late night party I opened up to some friends about what was going on.  The next thing I knew I had babysitters and rides to the Dr, accompanied by a "If you don't call your Dr I will."

That was almost 3 weeks ago and I'm getting better.  In fact it only took a few days of medicine to begin going back to my old self.  I'm taking medicine and talking to a counselor.  I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself and get better.  Just like a person with allergies I'm trying to figure out my triggers and make it so I can avoid getting sick again in the future and get better faster.

Because, I'm sick.

Instead of a virus attacking my body or my cells mutating, my brain is misfiring.  And that doesn't make me week, unstable, or less of a person.  Mental illness, is just that.  An illness.  It's not something you just get over or shake off.  It can take you deeper into yourself than you ever wanted to go and make you do things you never thought you would.

I have been so blessed as I have been dealing with this.  Blessed that it didn't get worse, that my husband loved me through it and never blamed me or told me to just "suck it up", that I have insurance that makes it possible for me to go to the doctor and get the treatment I need without stressing the money issue, that I have such good friends, and that I have a doctor who took what was happening to me seriously.

There are a lot of people who are not that lucky.  There are a lot of people who are too afraid to admit they need help.  There are people who when they do admit it are told to pray it away or to keep a stiff upper lip.  There are people who don't have access to the health care they need or are pushed aside by doctors who don't really know how to help them.

Mental illness is an illness.  Let's start talking about it, admitting it, and treating it.

Welcome Miss Rachel

Well we are officially a family of 4!  Rachel Elizabeth-Marie Pelon joined our family on May 19th at 7:50 am.  She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen, I can't get over it (and yes I know I'm biased).

(c)kellyroyPHOTOGRAPHY

(c)kellyroyPHOTOGRAPHY

I know a lot of people really enjoy birth stories so here is Rachel's.

We knew going into this pregnancy that we would be doing a second C-section.  After everything that went on with DJ we went over the risks of a VBAC or a second surgery and decided that a repeat C-section was the best choice for us.  And when I developed gestational diabetes during the third trimester we knew we had made the right decision.  Since we knew that Rachel would be born on the 19th (exactly 39 weeks of gestation) my mom was able to schedule her flight out to us on the 16th knowing that she would be here to help with DJ.  My last appointment was Wednesday and everything looked good.  As I was walking out my Dr jokingly said "Now doing go putting yourself into labor this weekend, I want this to be a straight forward surgery to start my week with."  "Don't worry," I said, "my son was 2 days late there is no way I'm going into labor a week early."  I had no idea that would be a hard promise to keep.

Before my mom got into town some friends were cleaning out their storage unit and David went to help them.  They had a huge stack of the floor mats we use to try and soften DJs footsteps for our neighbors, and were kind enough to pass them along to us.  Since the had been in the storage unit for a while they were on the dusty side.  I laid them out on the floor in the living room (which now looks like a kids bouncy gym) and started scrubbing them.  So Wednesday night I stayed up super late on hands and knees scrubbing, I thought I was doing fine till I tried to stand up... HA!  Nine months pregnant is not the time to spend 4 hours on the floor scrubbing rubber mats.  My hips stopped functioning right and I started having contractions.  After sleeping most of the day (besides work) the contractions stopped just as I was about to make David take me to the hospital.

See what I mean about the kiddie gym?  The things I do to keep the peace.

 Late Thursday night we drove down to Boston to pick mom up from the airport and got home around 4 am Friday.  At 7:30 am Friday I was at the hospital doing pre-surgery blood work and paperwork.  Everyone was so tired that I was gone and back before any one else woke up, so I went back to bed.  We spent the day hanging out with mom and letting DJ get reacquainted with her, it only took him about 5 minutes to decide she was the coolest person in the world!!  I started having more contractions but nothing major.

Saturday Mom and I went to Walmart for groceries for the next week and we ended up in the ribbon aisle, apparently my hair bow problem has infected my mother.  We got some super cute ribbon and buttons but had to go to Micheal's to see if they had fish buttons for the "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" ribbon.  They didn't really have anything perfect but we found some fun stuff.  While we were at Walmart my contractions started getting worse and more consistent and my feet blew up like a balloon for the first time in my pregnancy.  Thank goodness for my Mom, I was able to go home and lay down for a few hours stopping the contractions.  I was breathing a sigh of relief until I lost my mucus plug, which happened about 24 hours before labor started with DJ, it was time to cross my legs.

Sunday we went to church and the contractions kept going about twice an hour.  To be on the safe side I started my liquid only diet at noon, that way we wouldn't have to worry about going into surgery early if we had to.

Luckily Rachel was willing to wait till Monday morning.  When we checked into the hospital Monday morning they did a quick check and I was dilated to a 4, so one way or another little girl was on her way.  The nurses were getting me all ready and had David suited up when they started trying to get my IV in.

Now I have never done well with blood draws.  When I donate blood it takes almost an hour to fill a bag and it takes them forever to stick me and it hurts the whole time.  Plus when they pull out the needle I throw up... EVERY TIME!  When I do my three hour glucose test (which is suppose to take 4 pokes) it usually takes 10 or 12.  I have made 30 year veterans swear and new interns cry.  The most recent noteworthy quote from a 20 phlebotomist is "You have baby veins from hell".  So you can imagine how the IV experience went.  Two nurses each tried three time before giving up and sending me down to the OR prep area and calling ahead to have the anesthesiologist who would be doing my spinal tap that it was up to him.  When I rolled into my stall to wait for surgery I could see the nurses looking at me, eyeing me, and I knew "they are bored and I'm a challenge, oh dear."  My nurse hurried over so she could get first dibs at trying to get my IV in before the anesthesiologist or any other nurses tried.  Gratefully she was kind enough to use Novocaine on me before going for my vein as both my hands were already blooming with bruises.  Just as she got the IV in and did a little jig of triumph the anesthesiologist arrived.  He was a little disappointed that she had got me even saying "Dang it, I wanted to see if she was as hard as everyone was saying."  I told him he would have to be satisfied proving his skill on my spine, and he said no problem.  We got all set up and they sent David off to scrub in while they rolled me into the OR and put my epidural in.  With DJ they also gave me morphine so I was super loopy and don't remember many details of the surgery itself but this time they just did the tap so I was actually aware of what was going on.  It was really nice actually.  They had a nurse, Pam, assigned just to talk me through and make sure I was doing okay.  She was wonderful!  They had almost forgotten to go get David and had started my incision when she told them all to "Hold your horses everyone!  We are missing Daddy!"  She then sent the resident out to get him.  I was very grateful to her.  She also had David show her how to use the camera so that he could focus on me and the baby and not worry about getting good pictures, I thought that was very kind of her.  David was a little disappointed because unlike in Utah they had the surgical curtain so high he couldn't watch the surgery, he thought it was really cool last time and had been looking forward to watching it again.

Waiting for a baby

He got over it though.  I didn't feel anything with DJ when they pulled him out of me but this time I felt the pressure as both Doctors pushed on my ribs and pulled Rachel out.  And she entered the world telling us all just how unhappy she was about being man handled like that.  

Rachel's first picture seconds after birth being held by Dr. Manning

I had been so worried that Rachel would inhale fluid and get sick like DJ that her screaming so quickly, on her own, and for the first 15 minutes of her life non-stop made me so happy I wanted to cry!

Being looked over. 

Can you see from her face how not happy she was?

Instead I got all hot and queasy and they had to give me meds to calm it down.  Once Rachel was given the all clear and cleaned up a little David brought her over to me.

Meeting my girl

Because she was doing so well we got to spend my entire recovery with her and when it was time to go back to the room David was able to carry her up with us.  It was such a different experience than with DJ who had to spend his first 3 hours getting worked on in the nursery while David bounced back and forth between the two of us.  Being able to spend those precious first hours with Rachel and David instead of nurses or by myself was so special!  I loved the staff at our hospital and the recovery suit in the maternity ward was beautiful!  

With Daddy

Beautiful baby

Daddy's girl

See what I mean... he is already wrapped around her finger.

Watching Mommy while she sleeps

First Hair bow

Going home outfit

My doctor has been nervous about the state of my uterus and scar tissue from my previous surgery.  There was some pretty strong evidence that I had some really bad scaring and I had been warned that it was possible I would be told not risk having more children after this surgery, I was even warned that there was a chance that there would not be enough uterus left and they would have to tie my tubes to be safe.  I felt so a peace and wasn't worried, whatever happened I would be blessed enough to carry two children to term and have a boy and a girl.  I could be okay with that.  I was surprised and grateful when my Dr came in after the surgery and told me that he had been able to clear everything out and that (as long as I wait a few years to give my body time to recover and talk to a Dr before hand) more children are a possibility for us.  Who knows what the future will bring and it will be a few years before we do this again but I am grateful for the possibility and a Dr who was so willing to take the extra time and to make that a possibility instead of just tying my tubes.  Yay Dr. Manning!

Over all the whole experience was wonderful!  Rachel did wonderfully and I have bounced back super fast (yet again... I guess I'm lucky that way).  

DJ has done really well with having a new sister. He took a few days to warm up.  

Who the heck is that person my mommy is holding?

The funniest moment was the first time David held her in front of him.  DJ saw David holding Rachel, stuck his head in the air, put his had over his eyes and walked past David to hid behind the curtain. 

Hiding from the sight of Daddy holding Rachel

After a while though he started circling and finally checked her out.

Touching the baby for the first time, he is very good about being gentle

She is pretty daddy. 

Keeping watch over the sleeping baby, making sure she keeps her hat and blanket on

First family photo

My mom has been so helpful through the transition and I'm terrified of her leaving!

Grandma with her Pelon grandkids

Meeting Grandma

We have her for another month and my Dad gets in this week, but I go back to work on Monday.  I wish I could take longer but having another child who needs diapers means money is that much more important.  Ah well *first world problems*.  At least I get to work from home and have a job to go back to.  David is kicking rear at his pharmacy rotation and is halfway done.  We are hoping he can find a tech job once he is done and has had some experience in a actual pharmacy.  We have been so blessed this past year and especially the past few months, God is good and has showered down tender mercies upon us.  

Dear Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Hey baby girl, I hope you know how much your mommy and daddy love you.  Your big brother loves you too, he may be kinda rough with us sometimes but that's cause he is still trying to figure out how to be gentle.

I've spent a lot of time since I found out you were coming to our family trying to figure out why Heavenly Father wanted you to come to us when he did.  You weren't exactly planned little girl.  Please don't misunderstand we are so happy you are coming and can't wait to meet you, we were just really surprised.  We had planned on getting a little more settled, on getting me a little healthier, and letting your daddy get school figured out.  But you and Heavenly Father had other plans.  Sometimes I think babies just come when they come, but from the moment the stick turned blue and I knew you were on the way I have felt like you are coming now for a reason.  That for some reason me being pregnant with you now and you being born in the spring of 2014 is important.

Rachel I am so excited to spend the rest of your life figuring out why you came when you did (ask your Aunt Becca sometime how much we love people who join our family unexpectedly).  I'm sure that there will be so many reasons that I can't even comprehend right now, but I want to share two that I've come up with.  One I am sure of and one might just crazy Mommy thoughts but I want to share them with you.  I want you to know that from the first moments you have been important to our family and shaped our lives.

1.  Being pregnant with you has helped me love Maine.  I know sounds crazy but there are things about Maine I love that I would not have known if I hadn't been pregnant.  Mommy tries really hard to be happy wherever she goes but she really missed her old friends and family when we came here.  She also really missed the food from out in Utah and California (someday when you are older I'll take you to El Nuevo and J-Dawgs... you will understand).  But you sweet girl helped me make friends here, you helped me by not craving foods that super hard to get all the time, and you helped me by showing me just how kind the people out here are.  I think our Heavenly Father knew I would need that extra boost of good attitude to get through our first 6 months.

2.  This is the one that might just be crazy, but the more I ponder it the more I pray about what Heavenly Father has in store for you and how I can help the more these thoughts come to mind, but only time will tell.  I think you are coming down to this earth with your best friend.  I think you and your cousin Evalyn are partners in crime and didn't want to come to this life with out each other.  I also wonder if Uncle Mark and Aunt Ariel's baby girl is part of the trio, but only time will tell.  I don't think it's coincidence or chance that you and Evalyn will be born at the same time, potentially the same day.  We will see how the years play out but I will not be surprised if you two have a very special bond, even across country.  I can't wait to watch you two together, and I hope that we can end up living close enough to each other that you get to play all the time (but you'll have to talk to your Daddy about that, we get to go where he gets a job).

Little Girl more than anything else I want you to know how important you are.  To our family and to your Heavenly Father.  Keep growing and kicking (especially when your daddy is talking to you, he's a little offended that the Dr has felt you kick and he hasn't... just a thought).

Love Mommy.