A letter to a past detractor. OR Why I'm grateful I didn't serve a mission.

Four years ago this week my husband and I got engaged.  I can't believe we have been together for so long.  As I look back on our time together and the events of that week part of the story keeps catching in my mind.  A few days after we had announced our engagement I received a Facebook message from a stranger that I will never forget.  I still don't know who really wrote the message (the account it came from was a fake one) or what their motivation was, but this message shocked and crushed me.  I'm including it here as it was sent to me, lack of capitol letters and all:

you may not know me, but i sure know you. well i don't personally know you but if i had a chance to meet you i would jump on it. i sit in the back of your history class staring down at your sweet spirit. i always pictured you as the strong type when it comes to your feelings about the church. your plans were to go on a mission to serve your Heavenly Father. and now i hear your getting married. if this man of yours is willing to wait for you i deeply congratulate you. if not, i am highly disappointed. to serve your Father in Heaven is the greatest honor in this life. it should be something you wish to do with your whole heart, not as a back up plan. putting your future husband before God is disgraceful. it's like me saying i want to go on a mission unless american eagle comes out with a new brand of cologne just for me, first. yes, temple marriages are important, but if you choose to not go on a mission, think of how many people won't get to have temple marriage because you did not teach them the gospel. if you have found the right person that truly loves you and wants to be with you for all eternity, they will wait for you. and they will understand the importance of serving your Heavenly Father. they will know what should come first in your life. because you don't want to go on a mission now you are stopping people (who knows how many) from hearing and receiving the gospel. it is true. women are encouraged to find a spouse and start a family, but if you have made up in your mind before hand you want to go on a mission, no one or no man should stop you. do you think God would be happy if you told him you were going to serve him and give your whole heart on your mission and then come back a few weeks later and say i'm sorry. i found a husband. that's more important. i think he would not look down with happiness. if i recall correctly you just met this guy a few weeks ago. it must be true that most people just come to utah to get married. i do not wish you happiness in your years to come. i hope you are filled with sorrow and regret that you gave up the chance of a lifetime to be with some guy. i also hope your children are a sore sight upon your eyes. and when you look at them you wish you would have waited to find someone that will love you forever. not just jumping on board the first guy who is tired of being single and wants to tie the knot. i'm glad i didn't ask you out because i now i know what your truly like. how do you have any friends? they are true angels sent from God-- Patrick Skully 

I responded to this at the time but I wish that I could again now all these years later.  So I'm going to do it here.  Maybe this person is someone I know well and they will see it.  And if not maybe it will help someone else dealing with similar pressure and reactions to his or her own choices.  So here it is. 


Patrick,
It's been four years since you sent me that letter about my engagement and a lot of things have happened.  I did indeed marry David in the Oakland Temple.  Nineteen months later we welcomed our sweet son D.J. into the world.  We've lived in 3 different cities and 4 different homes.  Between my husband and I we have had 6 different jobs.  Life has been beautiful, challenging, scary, wonderful, and blessed.   I have grown as a woman, a wife, a daughter, and as a mother.

 In some ways your got your wish.  I had a moment when President Monson announced the change in missionary age for women when I wish it had happened when I was 19, then there would have been nothing to stop me and I'd have been gone in a heart beat.  But then I looked down at the sweet 1 year old in my arms and knew I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so grateful for the 9 months I spent preparing for a mission.  I learned so much, about my self, about my faith, and about my Savior.  Had I not been preparing for a mission call I would not have been spiritually or emotionally ready to meet and marry the man who is now my husband, best friend, eternal companion, and father to my children.  Through those months of study I began my path to becoming a woman scriptorian, someone with can and will teach her children and others about their Savior. I still truly believe I made the right choice.  Was it the right choice for everyone?  Maybe not, but it was and is the right choice for me.

 With the age change for women I fear that more young women will get letters or comments like the one you sent me so long ago.  I hope not.  I hope that most people will realize that missions for young women are still one of many options, and that for some choosing to marry at 19 (or continue school, ext) is the right choice.

I hope that the years have been as happy for you as they have been for me.  I hope that any bitterness you carry about life is gone.  I hope that all the dreams for you life are happening.  And I hope that you finally asked a girl you liked out and married her instead of writing creepy/rude letters.

Leslie.

Maine

We've been here for almost two months now and I have to say I am loving it.  It is a beautiful place!  It's picturesque , green, and super cozy.  So here is the list of really cool things about Maine:

1. Despite all the warnings I received from people back home (all of whom made me cry and gave me ulcers thank you very much) the people of Maine are incredibly warm and friendly.  Our neighbors helped us find all the local shops and even graciously accepted cookies from us, (take that Tray).  The people in the store are always saying how cute DJ is and are very understanding when he gets impatient and wants to go home when we are only half way done.  And the people in our new ward are wonderful!! I have never felt so welcomed to a new place.  Any who long story short the people here on wonderful and I'm so grateful to becoming a part of their community

2.  Did i mention it is beautiful?  Green forests, clear clean ocean beaches, light houses, and rivers.  I've lived in some beautiful places but this may be the most beautiful of the lot.  When the sun shines this is the sort of place people dream of.

3.  Lobsters in Walmart.  I have yet to be brave enough to bring one home and cook it but it is still super cool to look at every time I walk by.  Also DJ gets distracted enough by them that I can at least grab our meats, breads, and some produce with out screaming.

4.  We currently have 5 missionaries serving in our ward!  That's right FIVE! Three sisters and two elders.  We get to help them and have them over for dinner with out having to knock old ladies over for the calendar.

5.  We are 10 minutes from the beach.  The clean beautiful beach.  The water is so clear that even when I'm waste deep in the surf I can see the bottom.  (My California friends will understand that water like that is for post cards not real life).  DJ loves the beach and walking on the sand so I'm foreseeing a lot of beach trips this summer when David has the car here and it warms up again.

6.  SOOO many Thai and Chinese restaurants.  I'm really excited about this and can't wait to try some of it.

Honestly I am loving it here.   It is wonderful and I'm so grateful that we moved here.

Coming soon:
Though I love it here I really want to find a NORMAL LOOKING HOT DOG BUN!

Making Contact

One of the more interesting things about moving across the country has been trying to find a place to live.  Portland, ME is not like Provo where they are used to signing contracts for missionaries who are not in the country or students who are moving out for school in September.  I Portland all the landlords want to meet us in person or have us come see the apartment before we can sign a contract.  In some ways I don’t blame them, but it’s making life a little difficult.  We are already spending a ton of money moving out there, we really don’t want to pay for a plane ticket on top of it all.  So we decided to use our church network to make contact. 

For those who don’t know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is run by a mostly lay ministry.  In other words each congregation (or ward) is entirely staffed by volunteers.  The ward is headed by a bishop who is a man picked from the congregation to lead and care for the ward members, usually he serves for about 5 years.   Also important to the upcoming story member of the LDS church attend the ward they are geographically assigned. 

Anyway, sorry for the explanatory tangent, I was able to look up the information and phone numbers of the bishops who lead the two wards we could end up living in.  We have been leaning towards living in a smaller community south of Portland because housing is more affordable than in Portland itself, and it will only be a 20 minute commute for David from school.  So I called the bishop of that ward first.  Bishop S. didn’t answer right away so I left a message on his phone and decided, might as well call the other bishop while I’m at it.  Bishop P. answered and we got to talking.  He was very friendly and warm telling me all about how many student families live in the ward and where the students lived, as well as where we should avoid living.  We talked about our moving plans for a while and the community.  He said he would be looking for us in July and we hung up.  Very pleasant and helpful.  Then I looked up the apartment complex he said most of the students live in.  I’m not going to put money numbers up here but let’s leave it at this, there is no way we could afford to live there and I have no idea how anyone in grad-school could afford to live there.  I’m not judging them, I assume they have some secret way of making money I don’t know about but David and I could not afford to live there.

As I was having a panic attack and break down over this apartment complex Bishop S. called me back.  Now I want to make it very clear that Bishop P. was kind, friendly, and helpful everything I was expecting.  Bishop S. however was EXCITED!  He was soo friendly, soo kind, and soo helpful.  He asked personal questions about each of us, if we would need any furniture or things when we came, and for contact information so he could keep in touch with us as we prepare to move.  He also offered to help us apartment shop.  “I’m already looking for an apartment for some new missionaries we are getting so I can look around for you.”  I told him what we were looking for and what we were hoping to pay.  He then very sweetly asked about if we were willing to go up a little if heat was included.  And then he explained how heat out there is oil not gas or electric and how expensive that is. (Perhaps my east coast friends are laughing at me for not knowing about that, but I had no clue about how that all worked.)  Any way, we exchanged numbers and email and he said he would be checking on us every month but if we ever had any questions or issues to call him so he could help us.  This experience was beyond amazing and exactly what I needed at that moment. 

I’m still not sure which ward we will end up in but I am so grateful to know that either way we will have wonderful and welcoming people waiting on the other end of the line.  This will be such an adventure and I’m so excited for it.   

Our Future Home

So as many of you may know David has been accepted to the Pharmacy Program at the University of New England.  We are so excited and nervous to be headed out to a new home and a new adventure.  I'll be the first to admit that Maine was not my first choice, I was hoping for Arizona or Nevada, close and comfortable   Yet the more I learn about and prepare for this move the more excited I get for the next four years.

 UNE's main campus is located in Biddeford but the campus David with be spending most of him time in is Portland. Portland is the largest city in Maine and the population of the greater Portland area is about 500,000.  Though Portland itself is only 61,000 (which is just a little bigger than Porterville, just without space between the other cities).  There are 3 LDS wards (or congregations) in the area, and the Stake center is in Portland. Though our Stake is the entire state and some of New Hampshire and Massachusetts we are excited that, at least in our section of the state, we can expect a decent sized ward to meet with.  When David was interviewing there the professors asked a lot of questions about his mission and how he balances work, school, and family.  It was at that moment we realized that we will probably be a very small minority.  It's going to be a major culture shock for us to leave our little bubble, where having a family while going to grad school is the norm, not an oddity.  But I look forward to the adventure.

So here are the reasons for all of you to come visit us some time in the next four years:
1. Cause let's be honest, anyone who has actually been to Maine has bragging rights.
2. Sea food
3. We will be about 2 hours from Boston
4. Church History Tour jumping off point
5. 3 Dinners, Drive-ins, and Dives eateries in our area
6. To join me on my quest to find the real Storybrook (if you don't get that reference you need to get on          Netflix and watch the TV show Once Upon a Time)
7. Because you will miss us!

I'm sure I'll come up with more reasons when I actually live there but those are some of my reasons as of now.

So there it is.  The basics of our new adventure.  In another post I'll tell you all about our summer plans, but as for now, think about those seven reasons and start booking your trip to Maine next year!

31 books that changed my life

31 Non-scriptural  books that Changed my life

1.   Anne Frank—Anne Frank
2.  Uncle Tom’s Cabin—Harriet Beecher Stowe
3. Freedom Road—Howard Fast
4. Wuthering heights—Emily Bronte
5.  Tale of Two Cites—Charles Dickens
6.  Paradise Lost—John Milton
7.  Eli—Bill Meyers
8.  The Divine Comedy—Dante
9. The Merchant of Venice—Shakespeare
10.  The Lemon Tree—Sandy Tolan
11.  The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society—Mary Ann Shaffer
12.  The Way We Live Now—Anthony Trollop
13.  The Hiding Place—Corrie Ten Boom
14.  A Thousand Splendid Suns—Khaled Hosseini
15.  The Butter Battle Book—Dr. Suess
16.  Night—Elie Wiesel
17.  Summer of My German Solider—Bette Greene
18.  Harry Potter 1-7—J.K. Rowling
19.  Villans of all Nations—Marcus Rediker
20.  The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle—Avi
21.  Ivanho—Sir Walter Scott
22.  The Scarlett Pimpernell—Emmuska Orczy
23.  Candide—Voltaire
24.  The Screwtape Letters—C.S. Lewis
25.  A Christmas Carol—Charles Dickens
26.  The Count of Monte Cristo—Dumas
27.  Les Miserables—Hugo
28.  Farenhiet 451—Bradbary
29.  1984—Orwell
30.  Hunger Games—Collins
31.  Mistborn—Sanderson 

What I believe, from religion to politics (be nice)

So recently I've been doing a lot of soul searching.  Some of it was brought on by being a mom.  Some of it by the recent election.  Okay a lot of it was brought on by the recent election.  I found myself (as usual) in the uncomfortable position of being to liberal for my conservative friends and too conservative for my liberal friends.  To top off the drama I ended up deciding to vote of Obama when the other guy was a member of my church.  Is that doctrinaly condoned, YES it is, I can vote according to my own opinions!!!  However, like in any religious group, sometimes the cultural and the doctrinal truths are different.  So, somehow, it got leaked to my neighbors that  is a a raving angry blood sucking liberal.  Everyone was great till the day after the election.  Then some overly passionate people got nasty for about a week and it was over.  But the whole experience really got me thinking about what I actually believe.  Not just about religion or politics but about everything.  And so I've been writing it down.  So after several months I finally feel like I can share it.  It's still a work in progress, and I believe the sign of a truly smart person is their ability to learn about things and change his/her mind, so I'm sure that I some things may change over the years.  I also know that every single one of my friends will disagree with at least one point on this list, and will probably do so passionately.  Please remember to be nice, to me and anyone who may comment.  I just felt I needed to get these things out there, we are friends and we can love each other dispite disagreeing.  In fact some of my best relationships have been with people who I believe in very different things than I do.  So with out further ado here is the list.

• ·         I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth today.
• ·         I believe the Book of Mormon, Bible, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price as true scripture inspired by Heavenly Father to guide his children in the way they should live
• ·         I believe that through the temple families can be forever.
• ·         I believe that there is life after death
• ·         I believe Christ is my Savior.
• ·         I believe that Joseph Smith, and the prophets who have followed him, are true men and prophets of God.
• ·         I believe that the United States of America is a great and a blessed nation.
• ·         I believe that it is better to believe a liar than disbelieve an honest person.
• ·         I believe that the main issues in this world can be solved in the home by caring parents.
• ·         I believe as Rachel from friends so wonderfully put “No ovaries, no opinion!”  In other words old men in Washington D.C. or in HR departments so keep their opinions out on how, what kind, and how I pay for medication that is prescribed by my doctor for personal life decisions.  Aka, birth control is up to me, and I promise it’s much cheaper to pay for that then constant pregnancies. 
• ·         I believe that if a child would completely destroy your life leaving no joy whatsoever, they maybe you shouldn’t be having sex, because nothing is 100%.
• ·         I believe in a woman’s right to their own body, but the fact that we can deliver babies at 19 weeks and they survive and women can still get abortions up to 24 weeks means that viable life is being destroyed and that’s not okay.  At that point the child’s right to life should be considered.  (However I do believe that cases of rape, incest, and danger to the mother are different situation and should not be lumped here).
• ·         I believe aborting a child that has downs syndrome or other things is a slap in the face to all the sweet people who live with the dieses, basically your saying that their lives aren’t worth living and they are second class humans.  Not okay.
• ·         I believe that for every time a person uses the words “Hitler”, “Nazi”, or “Holocaust” in an argument they automatically negate 5 valid points they may have previously posed.  (Except when actually discussing WWII related topics) i.e. “Obama is like Hitler” would automatically negate 5 valid points a person may have made arguing against the Health Care Bill.
• ·         I believe that getting upset when someone says they are praying for you is ridiculous.  All it means is that they love you and they are expressing that in a way meaningful to them.  Heck when my son was in the hospital a friend of mine offered to do a Native American ritual to the gods on his behalf and, though I don’t believe as he did, I thanked him and said he could go ahead.  If my Catholic friends want to say masses for me when I die or my Jewish friends want to hold Shiva for me I take it as a great compliment.  In other words, get over it and except the love.
• ·         I believe that how a woman choses to deliver her child is between her and her health care providers.  Each mom makes the choices that are best for her and her child.  Whether that be a home delivery, a hospital delivery with meds, or a C-section other women need to keep their noses and opinions out.  Just because someone didn’t do it the way you did does not make them less of a mom or a woman.  Any woman who survived pregnancy deserves and award.
• ·         I believe the comments section on the internet is mostly stupid and should never be read.  I am guilty of reading them myself but I always get mad.
• ·         I believe that parenting is very individual to each child. 
• ·         I believe and moms in general need to take a chill pill about other moms. 
• ·         I believe that vaccines do more good than harm; we no longer have to worry about small pox or polio because of vaccines.  And the chances of a child dying of measles, mumps, or chicken pox are much higher than them having any side effects from the vaccine.  An ounce of prevention is worth a gallon of cure.
• ·         I believe that it’s better to have 99 people abuse a welfare system than risk having 1 person not get the help they so desperately need.   (Do I like that some abuse the program, NO, but there is a need).
• ·         I believe that 90% of people want a hand up not a hand out.  Most people on government assistance do try hard but for whatever reason can’t quite make it on their own.  Does believing this make me an idealist sucker, maybe.  But I also think it makes me a happier person.
• ·         I believe that people have the right to own a gun, for hunting, basic defense, and recreation. However none of those things require being able to shoot 50 bullets a minute.
• ·         I believe that if I have to take a drug and background test to get a job people should have to take one to get government help.
• ·         I believe that everyone should have to work 6 months in a fast food or custodial job.  They should also have to spend a day out in the fields picking something.  Society would be so much better for it.
• ·         I believe that infertility issues should stop being a taboo subject and am grateful for celebrities and other women who have been able to bring it out of the shadows and into the light. 
• ·         I believe (no I know) that miscarriage is one of the most devastating things a woman can experience (besides losing a full term child or spouse).  Telling a woman to buck up or that it wasn’t a real baby is heartless.  Love her, serve her, and comfort her.  She has suffered a loss, a real loss.  Don’t brush it off.
• ·         I believe we have gotten way too fanatic about food.  Extreme in any direction is a bad thing. 
• ·         I believe in western medicine. 
• ·         I believe that if people don’t do their job they shouldn’t get paid.  That includes Congress.  You don’t pass a balanced budget you don’t get paid.  I also think the Catholics have the right idea, let’s chain that door shut till they get it done!
• ·         I believe that amazing quote from the movie Gettysburg “No two things on earth are equal or have an equal chance. Not a leaf, not a tree. There's many a man worse than me, and some better, but I don't think race or country matters a damn. What matters, Colonel, is justice. Which is why I'm here. I'll be treated as I deserve. Not as my father deserved.”  --Buster Kilrain
• ·         I believe that people who disagree with me are no more ignorant or stupid than I am.  We just disagree.
• ·         I believe that most people want the best for their country, their neighbors, and their family.  Just because we disagree about the best way to accomplish that doesn’t make them stupid or irresponsible. 
• ·         I believe the government welfare is important.  Not because people are not generous and good at helping each other.  But because history (and current events) have shown that good hearted people are more likely to send money and aid to people on the other side of the world to the puppies, then notice the little girl in their kids kindergarten class who only brings a piece of bread to school every day and doesn’t have a coat.  Does that make them bad people, no; however it does mean people fall through the cracks.  Government assistance may not solve that but it does help.
• ·         I believe that racism is real, and that it is not reserved for whites.  Minorities are just as guilty.
• ·         I believe that you can hate the sin and love the sinner.  And that it is out job as humans to do so.
• ·         I believe that marriage should not be a state/government institution.  Everyone gets civil unions; marriage is a religious institution and should be treated as such. 
• ·         I believe that the LDS church needs to just come up with its own program and ditch boy scouts.  We can do it for cheaper and better, without all the politics. 
• ·         I believe adoption is the greatest act of love.
• ·         I believe that children benefit from parents who are married/legally joined. 
• ·         I don’t that homosexuality is a sin.  I do believe acting on those feelings is a sin.  I do not believe that people who are gay are bad, evil, or are going to hell.  And I do not believe that disagreeing with the lifestyle makes me intolerant or a bigot. 
• ·         I believe that some of the best people I have ever known believed in no God or a different God than I do.  I also believe some of the biggest jerks I’ve ever known have been LDS.  No religion or culture has the monopoly on good people or ways to live a good life.
• ·         I believe that experiencing what it is like to lose or fail is an important part of growing up.  And as painful as it will be to watch my son experience that.  I’m going to let it happen.
• ·         I believe that fidelity in marriage is nonnegotiable and there is no excuse.
• ·         I believe there is no such thing as a lost cause or a worthless life, everyone can change.
• ·         I believe that being a stay at home mom is a real job and that if you can make it work financially it is the best choice for children’s wellbeing.
• ·         I believe I haven’t given a book a fair shake until I have finished it.
• ·         I believe (as every loving mother does) that my son is the most perfect beautiful little boy in the whole world.
• ·         I believe that I married prince charming (take that Snow White)
• ·         I believe that the movie ratings system is broken.
• ·         I believe it’s better to be over prepared then under.
• ·         I believe this quote “don’t judge me because I sin differently than you do”
• ·          I believe the sign of a truly smart person is their ability to learn about things and change his/her mind