Four years ago this week my husband and I got engaged. I can't believe we have been together for so long. As I look back on our time together and the events of that week part of the story keeps catching in my mind. A few days after we had announced our engagement I received a Facebook message from a stranger that I will never forget. I still don't know who really wrote the message (the account it came from was a fake one) or what their motivation was, but this message shocked and crushed me. I'm including it here as it was sent to me, lack of capitol letters and all:
you may not know me, but i sure know you. well i don't personally know you but if i had a chance to meet you i would jump on it. i sit in the back of your history class staring down at your sweet spirit. i always pictured you as the strong type when it comes to your feelings about the church.
your plans were to go on a mission to serve your Heavenly Father. and now i hear your getting married. if this man of yours is willing to wait for you i deeply congratulate you. if not, i am highly disappointed. to serve your Father in Heaven is the greatest honor in this life. it should be something you wish to do with your whole heart, not as a back up plan. putting your future husband before God is disgraceful. it's like me saying i want to go on a mission unless american eagle comes out with a new brand of cologne just for me, first. yes, temple marriages are important, but if you choose to not go on a mission, think of how many people won't get to have temple marriage because you did not teach them the gospel. if you have found the right person that truly loves you and wants to be with you for all eternity, they will wait for you. and they will understand the importance of serving your Heavenly Father. they will know what should come first in your life. because you don't want to go on a mission now you are stopping people (who knows how many) from hearing and receiving the gospel. it is true. women are encouraged to find a spouse and start a family, but if you have made up in your mind before hand you want to go on a mission, no one or no man should stop you. do you think God would be happy if you told him you were going to serve him and give your whole heart on your mission and then come back a few weeks later and say i'm sorry. i found a husband. that's more important. i think he would not look down with happiness.
if i recall correctly you just met this guy a few weeks ago. it must be true that most people just come to utah to get married. i do not wish you happiness in your years to come. i hope you are filled with sorrow and regret that you gave up the chance of a lifetime to be with some guy. i also hope your children are a sore sight upon your eyes. and when you look at them you wish you would have waited to find someone that will love you forever. not just jumping on board the first guy who is tired of being single and wants to tie the knot. i'm glad i didn't ask you out because i now i know what your truly like. how do you have any friends? they are true angels sent from God-- Patrick Skully
I responded to this at the time but I wish that I could again now all these years later. So I'm going to do it here. Maybe this person is someone I know well and they will see it. And if not maybe it will help someone else dealing with similar pressure and reactions to his or her own choices. So here it is.
Patrick,
It's been four years since you sent me that letter about my engagement and a lot of things have happened. I did indeed marry David in the Oakland Temple. Nineteen months later we welcomed our sweet son D.J. into the world. We've lived in 3 different cities and 4 different homes. Between my husband and I we have had 6 different jobs. Life has been beautiful, challenging, scary, wonderful, and blessed. I have grown as a woman, a wife, a daughter, and as a mother.
In some ways your got your wish. I had a moment when President Monson announced the change in missionary age for women when I wish it had happened when I was 19, then there would have been nothing to stop me and I'd have been gone in a heart beat. But then I looked down at the sweet 1 year old in my arms and knew I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm so grateful for the 9 months I spent preparing for a mission. I learned so much, about my self, about my faith, and about my Savior. Had I not been preparing for a mission call I would not have been spiritually or emotionally ready to meet and marry the man who is now my husband, best friend, eternal companion, and father to my children. Through those months of study I began my path to becoming a woman scriptorian, someone with can and will teach her children and others about their Savior.
I still truly believe I made the right choice. Was it the right choice for everyone? Maybe not, but it was and is the right choice for me.
With the age change for women I fear that more young women will get letters or comments like the one you sent me so long ago. I hope not. I hope that most people will realize that missions for young women are still one of many options, and that for some choosing to marry at 19 (or continue school, ext) is the right choice.
I hope that the years have been as happy for you as they have been for me. I hope that any bitterness you carry about life is gone. I hope that all the dreams for you life are happening. And I hope that you finally asked a girl you liked out and married her instead of writing creepy/rude letters.
Leslie.
